Tuesday, October 4, 2016


In the minds of men I’m always hiding.
That hot fury that’s lodged like rocks in gears.
With impatience against time I will be biding
Ready to cripple bodies with cold fears.
I lay waste to fools, friendship and desire.
With one shot I destroy the bonds of love,
With another, a country’s will is set on fire.
The symbol of peace no longer is a dove.
Instead the soldier's rifle takes its place
His death is payment for your liberty
it’s now a simple race lacking all our grace
To summon the most brutality
there’s many ways to open up my door
My only cause is to kill: my name is war

Sunday, March 13, 2016

In which I make fun of a school storm shelter

In situations of extreme weather conditions, especially tornadoes, the safest and most logical course of action is to go to a predetermined room that has a good design for shelter. The true questions are where the shelter room should be located, and what it should be constructed out of.
According to the opinions of the Providence Classical administration and of myself, the room should be constructed out of drywall, wood, and large glass panel windows encompassing the room, open to the outside. Now, before you begin to throw tomatoes at me, which we all know you want to do so very much, let me explain our reasoning for the storm shelter.
We placed it on the outside of the building proper but still connected so that the students will be able to get to it faster without having the hassle of small hallways. The walls are constructed out of standard drywall material so that art can be drawn on it while the students are trapped under the rubble. We do this in order to continue the trivium of classical education even under extreme duress. The windows were originally designed as small peep-holes but then we realized that windows were far to small to observe Creation in its finest hour so we made near wall to wall windows on two of the four sides of the room in order to observe physics in action. Now, whenever a tornado strikes, the science teachers can spend the hours afterwards teaching all of your children about the Venturi effect and why touching that sparking wire on a dare for some peanuts is a bad idea. The final reason for the windows is so that you can see the tornado coming and duck just in time.
Lastly, we used wood instead of metal for a very clear reason, it is very malleable and flexible. When, a chunk of house hits the side of the shelter, the wood will merely absorb the blow which then adds the chunk of house to your storm shelter making it stronger than before. 
It should be evident that Providence has made the correct design choice for their storm shelters. In my opinion, Providence chose so well, that they should be emulated by families and schools around the country.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Reflections at a dinner party written on a tablecloth

There once was a boy named Ben
Who quickly turned to Kylo-Ren
His father was Solo
He often screamed YOLO
But was stabbed, like Frodo, and that’s his end

There once was a man with a red pill
He swallowed it whole without a chill
His world began to change
In ways that were quite strange
His roll of the One he must fulfill

There once was a girl named Mallory
She created an online gallery
Her business grew up
Quite like a small pup
There once was a girl named Mallory

There once was a man with a body
His head shook without nodding
He melted him down
And dressed like a clown
Then drank his innards like hot toddy